THE GLITTERATI HEAD TO RYDE

By Charlotte Hofton - Friday, April 11, 2008

Casati House, in Ryde, promises a new venue where fabulous people can meet. Picture by Laura Holme.

THE VIEW FROM HERE
EVERYBODY needs to get away at some time and I have discovered a perfect haven of sophistication.
It is a new establishment which, according to its website, is “a decadent, glamorous and relaxed hideaway … a surprising antidote to the daily droll of the mainstream.”
While the daily droll is a new one on me, I can hardly wait to “find refuge in the decaying splendour” of this club and to “meet fabulous people”.
Oh, and much, much more. I am implored to “think, dark, glamorous, seductive and decadent”.
I’ll be straight into the Illuminati Den, where “fellow reprobates can enjoy private and intimate dining. We can even offer arriving and departing so as not to be spotted in the main parts of the house”.
Clearly a place for the world’s most eminent glitterati, but ooh, such fun. Being “the last word in decaying decadence”, the club insists “best behaviour will not be tolerated”.
But, I hear you ask, where is this place? We must surely fly to some sun-kissed millionaires’ paradise?
No indeedy. You just pop into Ryde. Yes, Ryde. And there you will find Casati House in all its decadent glory, conveniently placed for the Southern Vectis bus stop and, even handier, right next-door to the council car park.

VISIT A COUNCIL MEETING TO SEE PEOPLE SLEEPING TOGETHER
NICK Clegg’s admission of sleeping with as many as 30 women has produced much reaction.
Is 30 the average for a LibDem politician?
Would Mr Clegg have won more votes with fewer notches on his bedpost? Or perhaps hints of scoring a century would have impressed the electorate?
The story raises important issues, not least the possibility the LibDem leader, having established this rating method, may require his party colleagues to reveal their own tally so, like a lion king, he can assert his primeval superiority.
He must, however, be dissuaded from this. Jill Wareham, happily married to husband Nobby, has been appointed IW LibDem prospective parliamentary candidate and thankfully we are unlikely to get any Clegg-like scoring system from this charming woman.
Another interesting aspect of the story is the use of the phrase “slept with”.
To sleep with somebody is a very innocent pastime.
Those who attend IW Council meetings frequently sleep together as the agenda works its narcotic effect. The whole point of sex, if it’s any good, is surely that sleep is not included?
The difference between sleeping and having sex is precisely defined by the story of the woman who discovers her spouse romping with the au pair. “If I find you in bed with my husband again,” she informs the errant flibbertigibbet, “I’ll make you sleep with him.”

STUCK IN A BYGONE AGE OF INACTION
THE head of Ryde High School is suspended, then reinstated, then suspended again.
The Undercliff scandal was a six-year story of incompetence and massive expense. The much-trumpeted Ryde Interchange is sinking into a morass of lumbering ineptitude, with nothing likely to be achieved in the foreseeable future.
And to think it took the Allies barely a year to liberate Europe from the Nazis. Can you imagine what would have happened if the IW authorities had been in charge?
Never mind Eco-Island, our real claim to fame is that we’re stuck in a bygone age, not because we’re delightfully quaint, but because we seem incapable of shifting our backsides and getting the job done.

THE GLITTERATI HEAD TO RYDE

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