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WHAT`S NEWHAM GOT WE HAVEN`T?

By Charlotte Hofton - Friday, April 4, 2008
THE VIEW FROM HERE
WHO could resist the blandishments proffered just two years ago to those applying to be the IW council’s chief executive?
Certainly not Joe Duckworth, who must have been ecstatic as he read the job description’s vision of “yachts, rolling countryside, spectacular coastlines … exciting opportunities and challenges … a great place to live, work and play.” Even more thrillingly, he would “come to know about cool music and extreme sport festival”.
Wow! Lucky Joe!
They also lobbed him a salary in excess of £150,000, though he would surely have worked without pay for the chance of being the council’s chief executive in this Island heaven.
Last October he declared rumours of his leaving were absurd. “The report of me applying for other jobs isn’t true,” he wrote. And in February he told us he “could feel the energy levels lift”.
Tragically, it now appears his energy levels have been lifted by the prospect of catching his last ferry off the Island and going to work in Newham in East London.
Joe, we’re deeply hurt. We gave you yachts and rolling countryside and now you tell us you’d rather be in down-at-heel Newham, judged in a 2007 survey to be the fourth worst place to live in the UK. Its crime figures have rocketed since 2006, with seven teenagers murdered on its streets in 2007, and an elderly grandmother recently beaten to death.
Do explain, Joe. Is it possible you cannot resist the Victorian sewerage pumping station, arguably the area’s finest tourist attraction?
It is all a great mystery. That job description also insisted the Island was “an environment you will not want to leave.”
So why is Joe packing his bags?
Surely it’s not working for the council that makes even Newham preferable to the Island?

THE REAL NEWS ABOUT OUR PARAMEDICS
WHEN an IW ambulance paramedic was sacked for misconduct, there were front-page headlines. If emergency crews make a mistake or arrive late, it’s a news story.
Their daily routine, meanwhile, just carries on. I was in an IW church on Easter Sunday when a member of the congregation fell and injured herself during the service. The ambulance crew arrived in a short time, and calmly attended to her, working with utter discretion, compassion and dignity.
The event was handled so professionally, even in the cramped confines of a church aisle, it was hardly noticed by the rest of the congregation.
Up in the chancel the choir gently sang their anthem, including the line “Love One Another”. Down in the nave, our splendid IW paramedics were putting into practice a perfect example of that Easter message.
We are lucky to have them.

YUCK! KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THERE are certain in-vogue words and phrases which, as soon as they are uttered, lead to verbal ghastliness.
“I know it’s politically incorrect but …” means the speaker is about deliver some exceptionally unpleasant opinions, imagining it is perfectly all right to do so, providing they are covered by the ho-ho, isn’t-this-jolly concept of political incorrectness.
“I’m not a racist, but …” invariably precedes a torrent of enough bigoted venom to fuel the British National Party manifesto.
And “basically” (or “bay-sickly” as its users pronounce it) indicates what will follow will not be short and to the point, but will meander meaninglessly on its way, punctuated by “know what I mean” and never getting to base at all.