Listings March 28-april 4

BEFOREHAND at Leisuretime, News Shopper, Crest View Drive, Petts Wood, Kent, BR5 1BT, fax them on 01689 875367 or e-mail them to twye@london.newsquest.co.uk

SHOWS

Albany Theatre, Douglas Way, Deptford: To Mar 31: Large, 1pm/7pm, £5/£4. 020 8694 1632.

Ashcroft Theatre, Park Lane, Croydon: Mar 28: Reach Out, Motown era tribute, 7.45pm, £13; Mar 29: Thoughts Of Chairman Alf, with Warren Mitchell, 7.45pm, £12.50; Mar 30: Bee Gees Gold, 7.45pm, £13. 020 8688 9291.

Beckenham Theatre, Bromley Road, Beckenham: To Mar 31: Twelfth Night, 8pm, £6/£4. 020 8460 7354.

Charlton House Community Centre, Charlton Road, Charlton: Tuesdays: The Moat Players Amateur Drama Group, 8pm-10pm. 020 8854 5244.

Churchill Theatre, High Street, Bromley: To Mar 31: Confusions, 7.45pm/2.30pm, £11-£21. 020 8460 6677.

Edward Alderton Theatre, Brampton Road, Bexleyheath: To Mar 31: Shirley Valentine, £5. 020 8301 5584.

Geoffrey Whitworth Theatre, Beech Walk, Crayford: Mar 29-31: The Bear, 7.30pm/7.45pm, £7/£5. 01322 526390.

Greenwich Playhouse, Greenwich High Road, Greenwich: To Apr 22: I Know What You Want, 8pm/4pm, £9/£6. 020 8858 9256.

Greenwich Theatre, Crooms Hill, Greenwich: To Mar 31: Moving Susan, 8pm/3pm, £10-£16; Apr 3-21: The External, 8pm/3pm, £6-£16. 020 8858 7755.

Lewisham Theatre, Rushey Green, Catford: Mar 29: Voulez Vous Abba show, 8pm, £12.50. 020 8690 0002.

Miskin Theatre, Miskin Road, Dartford: Apr 3-7: Locombia The Mad Country, 7.30pm, £6.50/£5.50. 01322 629472.

St Paul's Church Hall, Crofton Road, Orpington: Mar 30-31: The Crofton Players present Abigail's Party, 8pm, £4.50. 01689 829488.

The Mick Jagger Centre, Shepherds Lane, Dartford: Mar 29: Motionhouse Dance Theatre presents Fearless, 8pm, £8 door/£7 adv. 01322 291100.

The Orchard Theatre, Home Gardens, Dartford: Mar 29-31: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, 7.30pm/2.30pm, £8-£15; Apr 2-7: Anything Goes, 7.45pm/2.30pm, £12.50-£22.50. 01322 220000.

The Stag, London Road, Sevenoaks: to Mar 31: Aida, 7.30pm/3pm, £6-£15.50; Apr 4: My Fair Lady, 7.30pm/2.30pm, £4.50-£12.50. 01732 450175.

Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon: To Apr 8: A Doll's House, 4.30pm, 5pm, 6.30pm,8pm, £5.50-£11. 020 8680 4606.

Woodville Halls, Woodville Place, Gravesend: Mar 29: Paul James' Get Happy show, 2pm, £5; Apr 5: The Barron Knights, 8pm, £11/£10. 01474 337459/60.

ARTS

Charlton House Community Centre, Charlton Road, Charlton: Mondays and Thursdays: Writers' Study Group, 7.45pm-10.15pm. 020 8316 4802.

Dulwich Picture Gallery, Gallery Road, Dulwich: To May 13: Murillo Scenes Of Childhood. Tue-Thur 10am-5pm, Fri 10am-5pm, Sat and Sun 11am-5pm, £7/£6/£3, children free.

Fan Museum, Crooms Hill, Greenwich: To Jun 24: From The Land Of The Fan, Tue-Sat 11am-5pm, Sun noon-5pm, £3.50/£2.50. 020 8305 1441.

Harlequin Gallery, 68 Greenwich High Road, Greenwich: Apr 1-22: New Anagama, fired stoneware by Nic Collins, Thur-Sun 11am-5.30pm, Fri 11am-8pm. 020 8692 7170.

Hayes Village Hall, Hayes Street, Hayes: Tue: Bromley Batik Club, 7.30pm. 01322 522937.

Limelight Gallery, Lewisham Library, High Street, Lewisham: To Mar 31: Hard Work, Mon 10am-5pm, Tue and Thur 9am-8pm, Wed, Fri and Sat 9am-5pm.

Magnetic North Poets: Mondays: Meet in Greenwich, 8.30pm-10.30pm. Call 020 8516 8646 for weekly venue.

Ripley Arts Centre, Sundridge Avenue, Bromley: Apr 3-28: Fervent Stance work by Gina Bastard, Siobhan Howatson and Ngoc Thu Kroeger, call to view; Tue: Ripley Lacemakers, 9.30am-12.30pm. 020 8300 7428; Wed: Ripley Art Club, 10am-12.30pm. 020 8464 5816.

Sarre Road Community Centre, Riverside Court, High Street, St Mary Cray: Second Thursday of month: Meeting for writers, poets and musicians to share work, 7.30pm, free. 01689 822020.

Woodlands Art Gallery, Mycenae Road, Blackheath: To Apr 15: Oliver Gosling, Rachel Goven and Phil Parry sculpture, painting and installation, Mon-Sat 11am-5pm, Sun 2pm-5pm, closed Weds, free. 020 8858 5847.

COMEDY

Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon: Apr 3: Joe Pasquale, 8pm, £12.50/£10.50, 020 8688 9291.

Lewisham Theatre, Rushey Green, Catford: Mar 30: Joe Pasquale, 8pm, £12.50/£10.50; Mar 31: Angie Le Mar, 8pm, £12.50/£10; Gagging For It Final, 8pm, £5; Apr 1: Fool's Night Special, with Sean Lock, Tim Vine, Adam Bloom and Stephen K Amos, 8pm, £12.50/£10.50. 020 8690 0002.

Up The Creek, Creek Road, Greenwich: Mar 30: Tony Law MC's with Omid Djalili, Col Parker and Boothby Graffoe, 8pm, £6/£10; Mar 31: Micky Hutton MCs with Gordon Southern, Col Parker and Boothby Graffoe, 8pm, £10/£14; Apr 1: Fool's Night Special, with Phil Kay, The Bastard Son of Tommy Cooper, Justin Lee Collins, 8.30pm, £6/£4. 020 8858 4581.

Up The Creek Too, Brighton Road, Croydon: Mar 30: Ian Stone with Lee Mack, Adrian Poynton and Omid Jalili, 8pm, £6/£10; Mar 31: David Haddingham with Andy Parsons, Ian Stone and Terry Alderton, 8pm, £8/£12. 020 8680 5363.

ROCK/POP

Blackheath Halls, Lee Road, Blackheath: Mar 30: Black Voices, 8pm, £10/£8; Mar 31: 70s night, with The Village Boyz, 9pm, £13. 020 8463 0100.

Cartoon, London Road, Croydon: To Apr 4: Live music and DJs, £3/Fridays and Saturdays £6. 020 8239 1616.

Guildford Arms, Guildford Grove, Greenwich: First and third Saturday of month: Electric/Acoustic music night, singers and musicians welcome. 020 8308 0773/020 8856 8841.

Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon: Mar 30: Joe Brown and The Bruvvers, 7.45pm, £14/£13. 020 8688 9291.

Hardy's, Trafalgar Road, Greenwich: Thurs: Musicians welcome. 020 8858 5292.

Jazzmins Nightclub, Elmfield Road, Bromley: Mon: Live music, 8.30pm, free.

Lewisham Theatre, Rushey Green, Catford: Mar 28: Rick Wakeman, 8pm, £13.50/£11.50. 020 8690 0002.

Morgans, Lion Road, Bexleyheath: Tue: Electric Jam, singers and musicians welcome, free. 020 8318 4458/07944 395601.

New Cross Inn, New Cross Road, New Cross: Wed: South London Electric Rhythm and Blues jam, singers and musicians welcome. 020 8317 1216.

Old Tigers Head, Lee High Road, Lee: Mar 30: Tallahasee, 8pm, £3; Mar 31: Carnaby Street, 8.30pm, £3. 020 8244 2014.

Pelton Arms, Pelton Road, Greenwich: Fri: 70s, 80s, 90s disco; Saturdays: Live music. 020 8858 0572.

Red Lion, Crete Hall Road, Northfleet: Mar 30: One Step Behind Madness tribute, 8.30pm, £6. 01474 361073.

The Amersham Arms, New Cross Road, New Cross: Mar 31: The Gig Feat. Etropy, Room 1 and Blaze, 9pm, £5/£4 with flyer/£3 SU. www.bandnet.co.uk

The Belvedere, Lindon Grove, Nunhead: Wed: The South London Jam, 9pm, free, all musicians welcome.

The Earl of Chatham, Thomas Street, Woolwich: Mar 31: Reptertoire Dogs; Fridays: DJs; 020 8317 9513.

The Manor, Main Road, Biggin Hill: Apr 1: Fire And Water, 9pm, free. 01322 664551.

The Venue, Clifton Rise, New Cross: Mar 30: Abba Revolution Abba tribute; Mar 31: Ludwig Beatles trib to the fab four, £3 before 9pm, £6 after Fri, £8 after Sat. 020 8692 4077.

Zanzibar Brasserie, High Street, Bromley: Fri: The Laisser Faire Club singer/songwriter jam club, 9pm, £3. 020 8402 5221.

JAZZ & BLUES

Bob Hope Theatre, Wythfield Road, Eltham: Mar 28: Keith Nichols, 8.30pm, £3.

Downstairs, Nevada Street, Greenwich: Friday and Saturday night Jazz, 8pm. 020 8858 5855.

Clarendon Hotel Restaurant, Montpellier Row, Blackheath: Mar 31: Susan Valliant Speer, 8pm. 020 8318 4321.

Farnborough Sports Club, Farnborough High Street, Farnborough: Mar 30: Vintage Jazz, 8.30pm, £5. 01689 603299.

Forest Hill Hotel, Stanstead Road, Forest Hill: Apr 3: Big Dock's Blues And Boogie Band, 9pm.

King's Head, High Street, Old Bexley Village: Apr 2: Mike Hanson and Les Simons Band, 8pm, £5. 01322 527803.

Marriott Hotel Restaurant, Broadway, Bexleyheath: Apr 1: Chris Howes Trio, 1pm. 020 8298 1000.

Pizza Express, High Street, Beckenham: Mar 28: Derek Nash and Chris Howes; Apr 4: Andra Sparks and John Horler, 7.45pm. 020 8650 0593.

Pizza Express, Widmore Road, Bromley: Apr 3: Jim Clarke and Chris Howes, 7.45pm. 020 8464 2708.

Plaza Suite, Stag Theatre, London Road, Sevenoaks: Apr 1: As Meninas, 8pm, £8/£6. 01732 450175.

Robin Hood, Croydon Road, Anerley: Apr 1: Jo Eden, 4pm. 020 8659 1323.

Rutland Arms, Perry Hill, Catford: Mar 31: Chris Waterford's New Orleans Standard Bearers, 8pm; Apr 1: The Dunstan Coulber Swing Quartet, lunchtime; Apr 2: The Rutland Syncopators, 8pm; Apr 3: The Luke Annesley Quartet, 8pm. Free. 020 8291 9426.

The Studio, Beckenham Road, Beckenham: Mar 30: Steve Morrison's Blues Abuse, 7.30pm, £3.50; Apr 3: Acoustic Music Club, 8.30pm, free. 020 8663 0103.

Woodman, Blackfen Road, Sidcup: Mar 29: Muggsy Remembered 7, 8.30pm, £5. 020 8694 2002

CLASSICAL

Blackheath Halls, Lee Road, Blackheath: Apr 1: Gillian Keith and Simon Lepper, 11.30am, £10/£8. 020 8463 0100.

Bromley Library, Bromley High Street, Bromley: Mar 29: Sir Edward Elgar Portrait Of An English Genius, from noon, free but donations appreciated.

Caligulette, High Street, Bromley: Apr 1: Live Opera. Call 020 8466 9200 to book.

Christ Church, Lubbock Road, Chislehurst: Mar 31: Bromley Oecumenical Singers sing Handel's Coronation Anthems, 8pm, £6. 020 8697 0759.

Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon: Apr 1: Primary School Choirs and Bexley Youth Orchestra, 3pm. 020 8688 9291.

Hall Place, Bourne Road, Bexley: Mar 31: Bexley Camerata and Chamber Choir, 7.30pm.

St Alfege, Greenwich Church Street, Greenwich: Mar 31: Fiona McNaught and Daniel Tong, 1pm, free.

St Bartholomew's Church, Westwood Hill, Sydenham: Apr 1: Soloists of St Bartholomew concert, including The Carnival Of The Animals, 7.45pm, £12/£6. 020 8690 0002.

St Laurence Centre, Bromley Road, Catford: Mar 29: English Songs And Ballads, recorded music, 7.30pm, £2. 020 8857 7078.

St Margaret's Church, Belmont Hill, Lee: Apr 1: Ascension Choir and Sidcup Symphony Orchestra, 7.30pm, £7. 020 8852 5944.

The Great Hall, Hall Place, Bexley: Apr 4: Harp Recital and talk on the history of the harp, 7.30pm. 020 8859 4965.

United Reformed Church, Widmore Road, Bromley: Mar 30: Newbold Piano Quartet, 8pm, £8/£3/£1.

Village Hall, Main Road, Knockholt: Mar 31: Halstead's Sounds Augmented Concert Band, 7.30pm, £5.

FOLK & COUNTRY

Acacia Hall, Glaxo Wellcome Sports and Social Club: Mar 31: Rebel Yell, 8pm, £4.50/£2. 01322 390208.

Blackheath Wanderers Sports Club, Eltham Road, Lee: Mar 24: Little Texas CMC Mac Bailey and Desperado. 020 8319 3151.

Dartford Working Men's Club, Essex Road, Dartford: Apr 3: Doctor, Doctor, 8.30pm. 01322 222553.

Gravesend Rugby Club, Milton Road, Gravesend: Apr 1: Barry Westbrook Duo, 7pm. 01474 823283.

Swanscombe Sports Pavilion, The Grove, Swanscombe: Mar 30: Lynne Kenedy Band, 7pm. 01474 823283.

The Pavilion, Kentish Way, Bromley: Apr 1: Cathryn Craig and Brian Willoughby, 7.30pm, £7. 020 8313 9911.

The Tudor Barn, Well Hall Road, Eltham: Wed: The Folk Mob Club, 8pm, £1. 020 8265 4577.

The White Hart, High Street, Orpington: Mar 29: Clive and Don from Hazelit, 8.15pm. 01689 837778.

The White Hart, Eltham High Street, Eltham: Thurs: Traditional Irish Session, musicians welcome, 8.30pm, free. 020 8850 1562.

The Woodman, Lee High Road: Sun: Traditional Irish Session, musicians welcome, 8.30pm, free. 020 8852 3185.

Woodville Halls, Woodville Place, Gravesend: Mar 30: Sean Wilson, 8pm, £11/£10. 01474 337459/60.

DANCE

Albany Theatre, Douglas Way, Deptford: Mar 31: Belly Dancing with Maria-Louisa, 10.30am-12.30pm, £7/£5. 020 8692 4446.

Crofton Main Hall, York Rise, Orpington: Mon: Calgary Stampede American Line Dancers all levels, 8pm. 01689 876940.

Comrades Club, Brighton Road, Coulsdon: Sun: The Cat Club rock n' roll, swing and jive lessons plus social, 8pm, £3. 020 8651 4916.

Greenwich Dance Agency, Royal Hill, Greenwich: Salsa, Latin, Capoeira and more. 020 8293 9741.

Hayes Village Hall, Hayes Street, Hayes: Mon: Tea Dance, 2pm-4pm, £2.50 inc refreshments: Wed: Mississippi Line Dancers, beginners 7pm, intermediate 8.15pm -10pm. 020 8461 2355.

Keston Village Hall, Heathfield Road, Keston: Tue: Calgary Stampede American Line Dancers classes, 8pm. 01689 876940.

Langley Rooms, The Green Man, Bromley Road, Catford: Thurs: Stirrups Line Dancing all levels welcome. 020 7695 6613/020 8697 7623.

Pickhurst Infants School, Pickhurst Lane, West Wickham: Wed: Western dance lessons, 7.30pm-10pm; Mar 30: Steve Scott Changes. 020 8462 5314.

Ripley Arts Centre, Sundridge Avenue, Bromley: Tue and Fri: Ripley Academy of Dance and Drama, 4pm. 01689 860615.

Starlight Dance Centre, Streatham High Road, Streatham: Thurs: Ballroom, Latin, Salsa and Mambo beginners' classes, 8pm. 020 8893 9656.

St Andrews Church Hall, Court Road, Mottingham: Mon, Tue and Thurs: Line Dancing, £3/£4. 020 8289 9009.

St Barnabas Church Hall, Perth Road, Beckenham: Mar 30: Beckenham and Croydon Folk Dancers Kate and Doug Eaton with recorded music, 8pm, £2/£1.50. 020 8650 5687.

St Nicholas Hall, Leamington Avenue, Orpington: Tue: Ballroom and Latin classes for beginners and improvers; Wed: intermediate Line Dancing; Sat: Children's Ballroom, Latin and disco. 01689 822702.

The Small Hall, Crofton Halls, York Rise, Orpington: Wed: English Country Dancing, 7.45pm-10.15pm, £1.40. 020 8777 3336/020 8859 1545.

The Studio, Beckenham Road, Beckenham: Wed: Classical Arabic dance, 5.45pm-6.45pm and 7pm-8pm, £5/accompanied children £2.50. 020 8906 3865; Sat: Bodygroove. 020 8325 8540.

The Tudor Barn, Well Hall Road, Eltham: Apr 1: Cajun Barn Club presents The Bear Cats, 6.30pm, £6/£5. 020 8850 2893.

Westcombe Park Sports Club, Goddington Lane, Orpington: Wed: Calgary Stampede American Line Dancers beginners 7.30pm, intermediates, 8.30pm. 01689 876940.

Whitfield Hall, United Reformed Church, Widmore Road, Bromley: Wed: Belly dancing with Nuala, 10am. 07770 820935.

Village Hall, High Street, St Mary Cray: Thurs: Western Dance line and partner lessons, 8pm. 020 8466 5885.

NIGHTCLUBS

Club Caesars, Old Kent Road: Fri: Girl Power, 10pm, £20 including free drinks.

Deja Vu, London Road, Swanley: Thur: Pure with DJ Martin Good, over-25s, 9pm-2am, £3/£4; Fri: Peaches and Cream with DJ Steve Facey, 9pm-2am, £6/£7.50; Sat: Gorgeous chart and dance with DJs Martin Good and Jason Elliot, 9pm-2am, £6/£7.50. 01322 614321.

Gin Palace, Old Kent Road: Fri: Quality UK garage night with residents Jesse James and Billy Fitz with guests including Pied Piper, EZ, Ramsey and Fen, Norris Da Boss, Jason Kaye, Ray Hurley, Emma Feline, Jazzy D, Bullet and many more, 10pm-4am. Admission £10 all drinks £1.

Library Bar@Zen, Essex Road, Dartford: Fri: The Session, with DJs Gary Baker and Jonesey, 9pm, £6; Sat: Essential, with Paul Moon and Jonesey, 9pm, £6. 01322 222423.

Paradise Bar, New Cross Road, New Cross: Sun: Hipster Flipster jazz/funk, 7.30pm until late, £3/£2. 020 8692 1530.

The Bizznis, Spital Street, Dartford: Thur: Absolutely Perfect, UK garage with Steve King, 8pm-1am, £3. 01322 225995.

The Rivoli Ballroom, Brockley Road, Crofton Park: Fri: Mingles, over-30s dance party, 8.30pm, £4. 0860 578708.

TJ's, Woolwich New Road, Woolwich: Thurs: Dance classics and house and garage with the Slammin' FM crew and guests, 10pm-4am, free; Fri: Urban House with Paul, Mark and guests, 10pm-4am: Sat: Tony Ray, Micky B and guests play house and garage, 10pm-4am.

The Studio, Beckenham Road, Beckenham: Mar 16: The Limit under-16s' club night, 7pm-11pm, £5. 07788 540468.

The Venue, Clifton Rise, New Cross: Fri and Sat: Freak Out and Face The Music five levels of pop, party, commercial dance, indie, alternative classics and disco, 8pm-4am, £3 before 9pm, £6 after (£8 Sats). 020 8692 4077.

Zen, Essex Road, Dartford: Thurs: Cheeky, with DJ Lush and MC Rookie and guest MCs weekly ; Fri: H&G, DJs Jonesey, Masterstepz, Lush and MC Rookie and guest DJs, £6 before 10.30pm/£8 after; Sat: Essential, with DJ Jonesey and Kel Sweeney, £6 before 10.30pm/£8 after. NUS £2 off all admission. 01322 222423.

TALKS & STORYTELLING

Beckenham Theatre, Bromley Road, Beckenham: Apr 1: Open Readings M Butterfly by David Henry Hwang, 7pm, free. 020 8650 9971.

Dulwich Picture Gallery, Gallery Road, Dulwich: Apr 4: The Sacred and Sentimental: Murillo And Spanish Painting at the Wallace Collection, 6.30pm, £10/£5 inc entry to exhibition. 020 8299 8711.

The Duke, Bexley Road, Northumberland Heath: Second Wednesday of the month: North West Kent Science Fiction Society meetings, 8.30pm, free. www.concatenation.org

Woodlands Art Gallery, Mycenae Road, Blackheath: Mar 31: Ruth Sumner talks about her work, 3pm, free. 020 8858 5847.