THIS may seem a strange complaint at the start of February, but why on earth is everywhere so hot these days?

I am not, you understand, talking about global warming but rather the peculiar habit of shops and businesses of turning up the temperature to one suited only to tropical snakes.

It may be winter in the outside world, but walk into any high street shop and hey presto it's high summer in the Bahamas.

Mind you, we're no better here at the Midweek offices in Gomm Road. I'm sitting here at barely ten in the morning with the window open, the fan on full and already I'm in serious danger of overheating.

Shopping centres are the worst offenders. Walk into the Octagon or the Chilterns and you are in desperate danger of developing sunburn. It's just too hot.

Because it's winter, you not unreasonably wear a jumper and coat when you go out, but enter any shop and I have to start stripping down not a pleasant sight, I can assure you.

Frankly my skin is already peeling at the thought of going into town at lunchtime.

So I have a plea to shopkeepers unless you really want to endure the sight of overweight men with beads of sweat pouring from their brows undressing on your premises, please just turn the heat down.

It's not even as if we can cool down with a quick dip in the Frogmoor fountain is it?

Driver sends me round the Benz

AFTER a week away from work last week, you can imagine how thrilled I was to get back onto the M40 yesterday morning and find the queues of cars stretching back as far as the eye could see. Fortunately I had taken the precaution of inoculating myself against the usual motoring madness by carrying a heavy dose of laidback alternative country music Laura Cantrell and Ryan Adams in particular.

So there I was merrily singing 'I was lost in dreams of sweet things' when some idiot in a rather unattractive grey-coloured Mercedes chose that moment to attempt to cut me up.

Thus inspired I have decided to start the Straight Talking Motoring Moron of the Week competition.

Congratulations to the idiot in the Mercedes showing a fine disregard for his life (which I share). He wins a year's supply of herbal tea and some rather fine collections of laidback country. I'm sure he will appreciate them.