by SIMON ROGERSON

Hatch End, noted for its upper-class restaurants and shops, has a classy new emporium in Kinky Cakes, purveyors of semi-pornographic confectionary. The company is the brainchild of professional cake decorator Christine Lee, obviously tired of teddy bear and steam engine motifs. Her customers are encouraged to sink their teeth into altogether meatier designs, more suited to the top shelf of a disreputable newsagents. Full details of the designs are difficult to explain in a family publication. Suffice to say that Christine had to take casts of a "popular sex toy" for one decoration which has proved especially popular at hen parties. I bet it adds an interesting dimension to the old ritual of blowing out the candles. To order a cake, ring 0181 428 1478.

As local elections loom, candidates are trying make themselves attractive to the electorate. In helping to prepare the Times Series's election coverage, I was fascinated by the way some seemed convinced that their electability rested on prowess in flower arranging or a fondness for "theatre, and eating out". Does anyone out there not enjoy "theatre, and eating out"? I haven't read such tosh since the last time I updated my own CV. Lib Dem Alanna Coombes feels her appreciation of "good food and wine" will win favour among the residents of Ridgeway. For any voters still wavering, Miss Coombes also professes an interest in "interior decorating and Russian novels". How can you resist?

An old friend who has decided to withdraw from civic life is the mild-mannered Mayor of Brent, Councillor Mark Cummins. This genial fellow has spent ten brave years rolling with the rough and tumble politics of barmy Brent, so I expected some knockabout tales of derring-do in the council chamber. Unfortunately, Mr Cummins seems to have mellowed somewhat. "My greatest achievement was to get the names of councillors printed on the front of agenda papers," he says, flushing with pride. Viva la revolucion, Councillor Cummins!

Still in the People's Republic of Brent, there have been grumbles of dissent from Councillor Bob Blackman's Conservative colleagues. These stem from the fact that Councillor Blackman is a famously loyal Tottenham Hotspur fan (doubtless he enjoys "theatre, and eating out" too). So why was Queensbury councillor Navin Patel sporting the hat and scarf of hated rivals Arsenal FC at last week's council meeting? Was this some obscure challenge to the leadership? One onlooker observed that Councillor Blackman's face turned a bright red when he noticed Mr Patel's attire -- a sign of his own growing fondness for the Arsenal colours, perhaps?

Will we ever hear the last of Peter Kerry, the runaway schoolboy expelled from Harrow School? After initial shyness, the Kerry family are now making regular appearances in the heavyweight papers. The Sunday Times recently dispatched one of its fey aristocrats to take notes while Peter and his father John chatted about the ups and downs of dysfunctional family life. Despite throwing his £30,000 scholarship down the drain, Peter is still interested in academe: he has enrolled at Stanmore College to complete his A levels. I asked a Fleet Street friend how the paper secured such a forthcoming interview. "The Kerrys are happy to speak to anyone," he said. "As long as they get £500."

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000.Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.