SHOWS

To Mar 9

- Emma Jane Austen's classic tale of error and embarrassment starring Jonathan Cecil and Laura Howard, Fairfield Hall, Park Lane, Croydon, £9-£17.50 discounts available, 020 8688 9291.

- Picasso's Women starring Jerry Hall, Cherie Lunghi and Gwen Taylor, Churchill Theatre, Bromley, Mon-Sat 7.45pm plus Thurs & Sat 2.30pm, £14-£21, 020 8460 6677.

- When the Wind Blows parable on nuclear war and its consequences for ordinary people, Southwark Playhouse, Southwark Bridge Road, Southwark, 7.30pm, £5-£10, 07980 884752/020 7652 2224.

To Mar 17

- The Men's Room blokes discover their sensitive sides during male bonding sessions, Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, £12.50/£10.50 conc, 020 8681 1257.

Mar 8

- Louis Hoover's Salute To Sinatra Louis Hoover performs the songs of Ol' Blues Eyes, The Orchard Theatre, Home Gardens, Dartford, £16.50/£15.50 conc, 01322 220000.

Mar 8/9/15/16

- Cinderella fairytale pantomime for the family, Church Hall, Kelvin Road, Welling, 7.30pm plus Sat 2.30pm, £3, 020 8303 9700.

Mar 12-16

- Portraits in Song gripping portrait of Edith Piaf and Bertolt Brecht starring Elizabeth Mansfield, Greenwich Theatre, Crooms Hill, Greenwich, 8pm plus mats 3pm, £16-£10, 020 8858 7755.

Mar 13

- Africa Africa evening of traditional Zulu dance and music, Orchard Theatre, Home Gardens, 7.45pm, £17.50, 01322 220000.

DANCE

Mar 6

- Classic Arabic Belly Dancing coaching in the Eastern dance, The Studio, Beckenham Road, Beckenham, 5.45pm-6.45pm or 7pm-8pm, 020 8777 6662.

FOR CHILDREN

Mar 9

- Bruno Bear and the Busy Buzzing Bees Bruno goes on an adventure, Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 11am, children £3.50/adults £4.50, 020 8680 4060.

Mar 9/16/23

- Bird Life, An Endangered Species children can learn which birds are endangered species, Reception Desk, Horniman Museum, London Road, Forest Hill, 10.30am-12.30pm or 1.30pm-3.30pm, 020 8699 1872.

ARTS

To Mar 8

- Creative embroidery and decoupage exhibition by Pamela Broad, Sidcup Library, Hadlow Road, 9am-8pm, free, 020 8850 9742.

To Mar 9

- Toy Stories history of toys, Dartford Borough Museum, Market Street, free, 01322 343555.

To Mar 16

- Orb a solo exhibition by artist Jo Savage incorporating calligraphy and textiles, Hall Place, Bourne Road, Bexley, 01322 526574.

To Mar 28

- Stark Gallery presents Sarah Sloan, Mercedes Phillips, James Carcass three contrasting styles from three very different artists, Lee High Road, Lee Green, Lee, 020 8318 4040.

To Mar 29

- Living Water exhibition of paintings by Tina Mammoser, The Studio, Beckenham Road, Beckenham, free, 020 8663 0904.

To Apr 1

- Paul Klee: The Nature of Creation major retrospective of more than 90 of Klee's works from the perspective of his own thinking, Hayward Gallery, South Bank Centre, SE1, 10am-6pm, Tues & Weds until 8pm, £8/£6 concs, 020 7960 5226.

Mar 13

- Late Night Beckford evening of free drinks, music, lectures, an art class and wine tasting to celebrate the life and times of Britain's richest man, Dulwich Picture Gallery, Gallery Road, Dulwich, 020 8299 8709.

COMEDY

Mar 6

- Lenny Henry, Have You Seen This Man Britain's best-loved comic comes to Kent, The Orchard Theatre, Home Gardens, Dartford, £18.50, 01322 220000.

Mar 8

- Ben Norris with Alistair Barry, Patrick Monahon and Paul Tonkinson, Up the Creek, Creek Road, Greenwich, doors 8pm, £10/£6 conc, 020 8858 4581.

- Brendan Riley with Paul Tonkinson, Dominic Frisby and Nick Wilty, Up the Creek Too, Brighton Road, Croydon, doors 7.30pm, £10/£6 conc, 020 8293 4077.

Mar 9

- Alan Glover with Paul Tonkinson, Martin Beaumont and Ben Norris, Up the Creek, Creek Road, Greenwich, doors 7pm, £14/£10 conc, 020 8858 4581.

- Rob Rouse with Ben Norris, Brendon Riley and Paul Tonkinson, Up the Creek Too, Brighton Road, Croydon, doors 7pm, £14/£10 conc, 020 8293 4077.

Mar 10

- Malcolm Hardee with Dominic Frisby, Nick Wilty and Paul Tonkinson, Up the Creek, Creek Road, Greenwich, doors 7.30pm, £5, 020 8858 4581.

Mar 12

- Richard Morton with Ian Cognito, John Moloney, Glen Wool and Colin Cole, Cabot Hall, Canary Wharf, doors 6.30pm, £7.50, 020 7418 2783.

Mar 15

- John Mann with Jeff Innocent, Mark Maier and Brenda Burns, Up the Creek, Creek Road, Greenwich, doors 8pm, £10/£6 conc, 020 8858 4581.

- Alan Glover with Brendan Burns, Keith Dover and Jeff Innocent, Up the Creek Too, Brighton Road, Croydon, doors 7.30pm, £10/£6 conc, 020 8293 4077.

Mar 16

- Brendan Burns with Tom Rhodes, Keith Dover and John Mann, Up the Creek, Creek Road, Greenwich, doors 7pm, £14/£10 conc, 020 8858 4581.

- Drew Barr with John Mann, Rex Boyd and Tom Rhodes, Up the Creek Too, Brighton Road, Croydon, doors 7pm, £14/£10 conc, 020 8293 5363.

Mar 13

- Method Sent, High Rollers and Moyz 2 Hen, hard rocking R&B tunes, Cartoon, London Road, Croydon, £3, 020 8239 1616.

Mar 14

- Otherwise, Orientation and Jerry Built a special I Hate My Bike promotion night, Cartoon, London Road, Croydon, £3, 020 8239 1616.

Mar 15

- Whole Lotta Led stunning Led Zeppelin tribute band, Cartoon, London Road, Croydon, £6, 020 8239 1616.

Mar 16

- Dressed To Kill great Kiss tribute band including pyrotechnics, Cartoon, London Road, Croydon, £6, 020 8239 1616.

- The Phantoms described as "Whole Lotta Love" and more, their set includes REM and Stones classics, The Earl of Chatham, Thomas Street, Woolwich, 020 8317 9513.

ROCK/POP

Mar 6

- Battered local group playing classic rock, Cartoon, London Road, Croydon, £3, 020 8239 1616.

Mar 7

- Subversion Rock Club from punk to funk and everything in between, Cartoon, London Road, Croydon, £3, 020 8239 1616.

Mar 8

- Plastic Letters and 53rd & 3rd Blondie and Ramones tribute bands, Cartoon, London Road, Croydon, £6, 020 8239 1616.

- The Clone Roses Stone Roses tribute band, The Venue, Clifton Rise, New Cross, 8.30pm, £6, 020 8692 4077.

Mar 9

- Together Alone exciting duo who sing all the rock classics, The Earl of Chatham, Thomas Street, Woolwich, 020 8317 9513.

- Think Floyd Pink Floyd tribute band with mind-blowing special effects, Orchard Theatre, Home Gardens, Dartford, 7.45pm, £11.50, 01322 220000.

- Vogue Madonna tribute show, The Venue, Clifton Rise, New Cross, 8.30pm, £10, 020 8692 4077.

- Tommy Emmanuel guitar legend plays one London date, The Borough Halls, Greenwich, 8pm, £12.50, 020 8995 3920.

Mar 10

- Shoo Shoo Dang Dang the troops are back! Cartoon, London Road, Croydon, 2pm, free, 020 8239 1616.

- Pretend Pretenders brilliant tribute to the inspirational musicians, Cartoon, London Road, Croydon, 7pm, £3, 020 8239 1616.

Mar 11

- Rehab and support local original metal band, Cartoon, London Road, Croydon, £3, 020 8239 1616.

Mar 12

- Max 15 and support college rock bands, Cartoon, London Road, Croydon, £3, 020 8239 1616.

Mar 15

- Doctor Hook tribute band and Abba duo with compere, Lakeside Complex, Thamesmead, £15 with basket meals, 020 8311 0780

FOLK/COUNTRY

Mar 6

- Folk Mob presents blues, rock and folk Brian Adonis and Shanty Jim, Tudor Barn, Well Hall Pleasaunce, Eltham, doors 8.30pm, £1, 07903 931007.

Mar 7

- Geoff Higginbottom warm welcome for the powerful northern singer from Orpington Folk Club, The White Hart, High Street, Orpington, 01689 837778.

Mar 8

- Cara Dillon talented youngster steeped in Irish musical traditions, Blackheath Halls, Lee Road, Blackheath, 8.30pm, £12, 020 8463 0100.

Mar 10

- Edwina Hayes up-and-coming star on the local circuit, Mick Jagger Centre, Shepherd's Lane, Dartford, 7.45pm, £5, 020 8306 2218.

- Blazin' Fiddles Scottish fiddle players, Blackheath Halls, Lee Road, Blackheath, 8pm, £12, 020 8463 0100.

Mar 13

- Lindisfarne classic folk from the Fog On The Tyne heroes, Blackheath Halls, Lee Road, Blackheath, 8pm, £14, 020 8463 0100.

Mar 15

- Tarras English and Celtic music from award-nominated band, Blackheath Halls, Lee Road, Blackheath, 8.30pm, £12, 020 8463 0100.

CLASSICAL

Mar 6

- The Old Bexley Music Society night of Chopin, Schubert and Gershwin, The Great Hall, Hall Place, Bexley, 7.30pm, 020 8304 2709.

Mar 7

- Dartford Recorded Music Society evening of Bach, Beethoven and Chopin presented by John Hankin, Enterprise House, Essex Road, Dartford, 7.15pm, 01474 706255.

- Bromley Youth Music Trust lunchtime concert from the local orchestra, Central Library, High Street, Bromley, noon, donations of £2 or more gratefully accepted, 020 8402 0743.

Mar 8

- Early Music Department part of the Markson's Piano Concert Series, Charlton House, Charlton Road, Charlton, 1pm, donations accepted, 020 8856 3951.

Mar 9

- Carlo Curley world-renowned organ player, Trinity United Reformed Church, Freelands Road, Bromley, 7.30pm, £10/£7 conc, 020 8460 5929.

- Bexley Centre for Music and Dance concert by the talented youngsters, Hurstmere School, Hurst Road, Sidcup, 4pm, £4 adults, £2 senior citizens, £2 children, tickets on door.

Mar 9

- Adagio Quest Music Group is talked through the piece by Alec Hawkins, The Music Room, Ripley Arts Centre, Sundridge Avenue, Bromley, 7.45pm, visitors welcome.

- Bromley Symphony Orchestra well-known group plays pieces by Dvorak, Schumann and Janacek, Great Hall, Ravensbourne School, Hayes Lane, Bromley, £7.50 conc, 020 8464 5869.

Mar 10

- Duke Quartet internationally-acclaimed classical quartet plays a programme of Dvorak and Volans, Blackheath Halls, Lee Road, Blackheath, 8pm, £12.50/£10 conc, 020 8463 0100.

Mar 12

- The Alexander Piano Quartet modern chamber musicians, Blackheath Halls, Lee Road, Blackheath, 8pm, £8/£5 conc, 020 8463 0100.

Mar 14

- European Music Festivals recorded music presented by Phillip Cox, Floor 4 Halls, Central Library, Bromley High Street, 12pm, £2 donation, 020 8402 0743.

Mar 16

- Orpington Symphony Orchestra local orchestra play Brahms, Bizet and Tchaikovsky, Orpington Methodist Church, Sevenoaks Road, Orpington, £6, 01689 851834.

- Eltham Choral Society local society sing Handel's Messiah, Eltham Park Methodist Church, Westmount Road, Eltham, 7.30pm, £6, 020 8850 4292.

LECTURES/CLASSES

Mar 6

- Rose pruning and border maintenance gardening advice from Hall Place's head of gardening and estates manager, Hall Place, Bourne Road, Bexley, 01322 526574.

Mar 11

- Joan Collins recently-married megastar signs copies of her new book, by Adams and Globe, The Glades, Bromley High Street, time to be confirmed, free, 020 8460 6037.

DRAMA FESTIVALS

Mar 6, 8 & 9

- Sevenoaks District Drama Festival fifth annual festival of drama, individual show times can be obtained, The Stag, London Road, Sevenoaks, 7.30pm, £5, 01732 450175.

STORYTELLING

Mar 14

- Joanne Harris Ottaker's celebrate World Book Day with the author of Chocolat, Ottaker's Book Shop, The Glades, Bromley High Street, 7pm, free.

JAZZ

Mar 6

- Louise Gibbs and Brian Priestly gifted singer/pianist pair with a deep commitment to the true jazz repertoire, Pizza Express, High Street, Beckenham, 7.45pm, 020 8650 0593.

- Louise Cookman and Jack Honeybourne nationally-known local singer and hugely-experienced pianist, Pizza Express, Bluewater, Greenhithe, 7.45pm, 01322 427526.

Mar 7

- Mersyssippi Jazz Band only London date on current tour by long-running revivalist band, The Woodman, Blackfen Road, Sidcup, 8.30pm, £5.

- Brendan Croker and Kevin Coyne two of the UK's most respected blues and soul singers touring together, Blackheath Halls, Lee Road, Blackheath, 8pm, £12, 020 8463 0100.

Mar 8

- Ba Ba Da exciting blend of jazz, Latin and fusion beats, The Studio, Beckenham Road, Beckenham, £8/£5 conc, 020 8663 0103.

- The Blount Band more early-style jazz, Farnborough Sports Club, High Street, 8.30pm, 01689 603299.

Mar 10

- Tony Barber Trio popular drummer leads the jazz brunch musicians, Marriott Hotel Restaurant, Broadway, Bexleyheath, 1pm, 020 8298 1000.

Mar 11

- Renato d'Aiello and Les Simons Band fast-rising Italian sax maestro, King's Head, High Street, Bexley, 8.30pm, £5, 01322 527803.

Mar 13

- Kim Collman and Bob Pluck soul-influenced singer Collman with her regular guitarist, Bar du Musee, Nelson Road, Greenwich, 8.30pm, 020 8858 4710.

- Campbell Burnap and Dave Herridge trombone and piano duo floating on a sea rippling with musical experience, Pizza Express, High Street, Beckenham, 7.45pm, 020 8650 0593.

- Theo Travis and Phillip Clouts Ronnie Scott's club saxman Travis swaps African rhythms with the fine piano of Clouts, Pizza Express, Bluewater, Greenhithe, 7.45pm, 01322 427526.

Mar 14

- Tommy Smith Scots tenors saxist performs against electronic and digitally-taped backgrounds, Blackheath Halls, Lee Road, Blackheath, 8pm, £12, 020 8463 0100.

- Dave Shepherd Quintet Benny Goodman-style swing music, The Studio, Beckenham Road, Beckenham, 8.30pm, £8, 020 8663 0103.

- The Hot Revival Stompers more than just Dutch musical courage, The Woodman, Blackfen Road, Sidcup, 8.30pm, £5