SQUASH.

It's that time of the year again. At the first sign of the approaching spring the ageing membership of Thames Ditton Squash Club galvanise into action. Aching joints are forgotten, Zimmer frames parked and a sense of subdued optimism hangs like a poisonous mist over the peeling plaster of the two courts off Sugden Road - it's finals time again.

This year the injury list for the finals tournament seemed to have grown. Club Secretary Barbara Patson was forced to prop up the bar and bathe her face in healing fluid while President John Ellison's knees reflecting the precision of his play had given up the ghost. This year's tournament was also missing the unmistakable shape of John Shrimpton who was nursing a twisted ankle received in his own version of the Prague spring.

On court the climax of the competitions was being played out with all the intensity of a one-bar electric fire. There's a local flavour to these tournaments. Everybody knows each other's style of play.

Take the Blue Riband event the men's singles final. It was another reprise between Denis the self-styled `terminator' Wilson and local satellite dish salesman John Kenny. Denis a former vegetarian butcher turned driving instructor was nursing his pacifism to hate in a protracted tussle. Letting out a bellow of pain on the final point he clinched victory before sinking to his knees exhausted.

To the uninitiated the men's doubles is a game of table football played at bewildering speeds. From the gallery the players looked like tonsured monks with their bald patches shining under the fluorescent light. Seasoned veterans Paul Flaskett and Peter Watts duly despatched the upstart duo of Roger Finlay and Graham Shaw.

Thanks to the standard of play the rallies and games were mercifully short. Soon it was time to repair to the bar where the prize-giving party took its toll of an already enfeebled membership.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000.Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.