John Giddings announced Steps as a pop sensation.
THIS ISLAND LIFEI HAVE been surrounded by marketing types most of my working life and have gradually acquired a grudging admiration for their skills.
They don’t actually lie, as such, but they produce such a colourful and vibrant tapestry of hype, guff and expectation it’s impossible to detect the plain old weft and weave of truth beneath.
John Giddings, Baron of Seaclose, provided a perfect example of the art when he revealed Steps would be appearing at an Osborne House concert next summer.
He was quoted in this esteemed organ as saying: "We are proud to continue the tradition of bringing great artists to the grounds of Osborne House and are thrilled pop sensation Steps are on the bill."
I have it on good authority he not only managed to say this without rolling around on the ground in paroxysms of laughter, he actually managed to say it without so much as a smirk.
I’m surprised his tongue didn’t fall out — but the man’s a professional all right.
Are we really expected to believe the promoter who gave the Island the Stones, David Bowie and now Bruce Springsteen believes Steps — a two-bob studio confection of pretty boys and sessions singers — are a 'pop sensation’?
I thought I must have missed something the first time round, so I did a bit of research on them. But I regret to report my initial suspicions were confirmed — and then some.
Even Bucks Fizz and the Brotherhood of Man had more number ones and sold more records than this lot.
I was also amused to discover Steps were once described by Pete Waterman as 'Abba on speed’ — until I realised he meant it as a compliment.
Relief appeared to be at hand when I read on the CP website the tickets
for the summer concert hadn’t turned up.
But my faith in divine intervention was shattered when it was disclosed this was merely an organisational oversight and not an act of compassion ordered from above.
The trouble with the sort of resurrection being enjoyed by Steps is it encourages the others, and there are already rumours about other pop legends, such as S Club 7, making a comeback.
Apparently it’s only S Club 3 at the moment but they’re working on it.
Meanwhile, those of us who enjoy a good tune are left to cower in trepidation at the prospect of the next lot ready to kick open the coffin lid and rise from the depths to which they had been so deservedly consigned.
Listen, can you hear the lamentable strains of B*Witched, Hear’Say and 5ive already warbling through the ether?
Give the women a chance to push their boundaries
I KNOW virtually all the officers in the IW Football Association (IWFA) and they are, without exception, a good bunch of blokes who devote a hell of a lot of their own time to keep the sport functioning on the Island.
They now find themselves involved in a kerfuffle over the teams to represent us at the NatWest Island Games in Bermuda in 2013.
The men’s squad, who are the reigning champions, decided the estimated cost of up to £3,000 per head made the trip prohibitive and reluctantly opted to pull out.
It was an understandable decision in the circumstances and at least the men were given the opportunity to decide their own destiny.
This was a courtesy denied the women’s team (Shanklin Ladies’ FC in all but name) who were up for the challenge and had already begun planning a fund-raising campaign.
They were understandably miffed to learn the choice had been taken from them by the IWFA representative committee, who decided this week neither team would attend the games on the grounds of cost.
Gentleman, I have to say this is wrong, for several reasons.
Football at this level is all about dreams and aspirations. It’s about players who want to achieve by performing at the limit of their abilities and even a little beyond.
To deny the women’s team an opportunity to do this, on the grounds of cost and the fact other islands have already pulled out, is at best defeatist and at worst peremptory.
The women deserve a chance and there is still plenty of time to reach a sensible compromise.
For example, why not agree a fund-raising target with them to be reached by this time next year?
If they manage it, their Bermuda dream lives on; if they don’t, a decision to withdraw the team can still be made in plenty of time.
It would add momentum to the women’s efforts and show everyone the IWFA is big enough to accept it may have been a little hasty in reaching its original decision.