THIS ISLAND LIFEMAJOR media coverage for the theft of a Barbara Hepworth sculpture from Dulwich Park. The huge bronze cast had stood there for 40 years and is considered a very important piece of 20th-century art.
The Hepworth heist is naturally high profile but the stealing of art installations to sell as scrap metal has, for some time now, been big business. The price of copper, lead and bronze has risen dramatically and metal thieves are brazenly plundering anything from works of art to railway lines and roofs.
Might these villains be interested in a trip to the Island, where we have a work of art simply begging to be stolen?
I refer, of course, to the Koan, at St Mary’s Hospital, installed in 1997 at a cost of around £55,000 but now looking increasingly like a shabby piece of funfair tat.
I used to defend the Koan, mainly because it upset all those people, who, in the spirit of the nation’s foremost fogey, Prince Charles, would have preferred something with a couple of Doric columns and a Palladian arch.
However, despite applauding the efforts of the Island’s Healing Arts charity to come up with a work of cutting-edge challenge, I’m afraid the Koan has not been a success. It was created by American-born Liliane Lijn and its full title is Earth Sea Light Koan.
Ms Lijn describes her work as "a constant dialogue between opposites. My sculptures use light and motion to transform themselves from solid to void, opaque to transparent, formal to organic."
And so the Koan was supposed to twirl around, lights flashing, colours swirling, transforming itself in a constant dialogue.
Well, it didn’t. It’s been bust practically since the day it was installed. It steadfastly refuses to twirl. It is the Nancy Dell’Olio of the Strictly-Come-Twirling art scene. Nor does it light up. It just sits there, a plonking great piece of inaction.
So it would be very nice if the thieves came and took it. It would rid the Island of this fiasco and we’d get lots of splendid publicity, because Liliane Lijn is quite famous, even if she’s no great shakes at the electrics.
The one slight drawback, however, is Ms Lijn works in plastic, rather than valuable bronze or copper, so our felons may be a bit sniffy about that.
But come on, boys. Commodities markets, you never know where they’re going in these volatile times. It may be metal today but plastics could well be on the surge. Get in there before everyone’s on to it.
And get in there quick. I suggest you nick the Koan tomorrow, New Year’s Eve. Put it your heads as you take it away. It won’t even be noticed among the other rubbish fancy-dress outfits on this night of kitsch and bling.
38mph is bad but shooting up drugs is much worse
IF we are so fortunate as to have the Koan stolen, there is absolutely no need for the police to get involved. Just give us a crime number for the insurance claim and then forget all about it.
There are much more important things for the rozzers to deal with and if we all take part in Hampshire Police Authority’s (HPA) online survey (www.surveymonkey.com/s/SQYHSK9), we can tell them exactly what we think they are.
It is possible there are some who think the police are not spending nearly enough time parked in roadside hedgerows, speed guns in hand, lying in wait for the unsuspecting motorist to break the 30mph limit. It’s easy pickings, a nice little earner and no possibility of any trouble or argy-bargy for these traffic cops, as it’s all sorted by bureaucracy and official letters.
But my guess is most of us don’t think like that.
While excessive speed is of course highly reprehensible and a menace to society, blah blah, I wonder if the HPA might consider its priorities? Just as hospital emergency departments deal with cases on a triage system, where resources are allocated to where they will have the most effect, would not some of these traffic cops be better employed dealing with the grubbier side of crime?
The use of illegal drugs is widespread on the Island but you’re more likely to be punished for doing 38mph than shooting up heroin. Then there are the drunks, the vandals, the gangs who swarm intimidatingly around our streets.
It’s not all like that, of course, but it’s enough to make the Island a very unpleasant place at times. And that’s where we want to see the forces of law in action.
It may be more of a bother than zapping motorists but we’d be grateful if the police could study this survey and decide where they’re really needed.