Artist’s impression of the proposed biomass fuel plant. Inset, Mike Hammond with a handful fo the fuel pellets it will use.
THE VIEW FROM HERECongratulations to those chaps behind the scheme for a biomass plant on the Island, which may see us at the forefront of renewable energy technology.
One of the chaps is Mike Hammond. I saw him the other night, at an outdoor concert, and he very kindly explained to me exactly how this biomass stuff works.
Gosh, he used a lot of words. A choir of glee singers were belting out their harmonies, and Mike was whirring on about pellets and steam and emissions and investment capital, and by the end of it I wasn’t really sure about anything.
All I could think of was that what with Mike and the singers and nightfall coming on, perhaps we could have a round of There’s a Long, Long Trail a-Winding.
Anyway, it will be just great, of that I am sure. And I don’t think we need to understand too much. It seems to be done by pellets. There’s a lot of steam, and some whooshing, and all the lights come on. Well done, everybody.
Some time ago, Mike also explained to me why he was very cross about the Southern Vectis buses going up and down Pixley Hill. He used a lot of words then, as well.
Now that he’s got his lovely biomass scheme, I imagined the buses could be consigned to history. A man with pellets on his mind surely can’t footle about with buses? Anyway, the buses made him grumpy, while the pellets make him perky, so it’s all worked out splendidly.
I suggested as much to him after he had finished explaining about the biomass scheme (the glee singers had been replaced by a country group by this time.) You’ll be giving up on the buses then, Mike?
Bad mistake. He did a fair imitation of his biomass gizmo letting off steam and thundered that he most certainly wasn’t abandoning his anti-bus campaign. His indignation could have fired up a generator all on its own. The poor country singers were almost drowned out by the hissing and the fury.
Southern Vectis had better beware. Mike Hammond hasn’t yet finished with you by any means. What’s more, he’s got a load of pellets and some machine that whooshes and I jolly well bet he’ll try it out by aiming it straight at the Number 7 route.
...and drinks that don't
School’s out, the summer holidays are upon u and it’s non-stop merriment ahead.
Let’s have a drink to celebrate. Or let’s have lots and lots of drinks, especially if we’ve just finished our exams and ooh, there’s the beach, and there’s some vodka, and the next thing we know we’re completely legless and oh dear, here we are at A&E, with our sprained ankle and puking guts.
Naturally, this kind of thing is very worrying and there is no shortage of advice about our alcohol consumption. Nobody is exempt.
If you go to the doctor with an ingrowing toenail, you’ll still get quizzed.
"Ten units, you say? Well, that’s not too bad for a weekly consumption. Oh, ten units a day? Hmm, let’s just examine your liver, shall we?"
One initiative which has a website particularly aimed at the young is something called Drinkaware. It’s full of useful tips and "fun" advice. It always has to be "fun", doesn’t it? Gone are the days when Daddy came out with the horsewhip if you got hammered.
But it does look quite good, though I’m not sure the lads swaying around in the gutter outside the Dog and Duck are going to be particularly turned on by the exhortation to "make the perfect non-alcoholic cocktail".
But whoever dreamed up the name Drinkaware?
They were probably paid a fortune for it, yet it’s sadly ambiguous. Tupperware for your plastic, Betterware for your kitchen knick-knacks, and now Drinkaware for everything you’ll need to get wasted.
Yo, man! You’s a drinka? Come to Drinkaware! We got big glasses, shot glasses, gallons of booze, and all dem recipes for alcoholic cocktails!
Most unfortunate, really.