Prince Charles enjoys meeting 'ordinary people'.
THE VIEW FROM HEREHURRAH for the Queen’s jubilee, which gives us a good excuse for a party, as well as the opportunity to thank Her Majesty for her perfect grace and dedication over the past 60 years in performing her somewhat weird job.
This is no time to quibble about the role of the monarchy, however. Right now we need the feel-good factor and nobody puts on a better show than the royals. So start rummaging around for the bunting and make sure you stockpile plenty of coloured icing sugar for those Union Jack cupcakes.
Despite the outpouring from authors eager to cash in on the jubilee (Andrew Marr, Sarah Bradford, et al) with books purporting to tell us what the Queen is really like, we actually haven’t the faintest idea. Such books rely entirely on snippets and gossip from largely untrustworthy (they must be untrustworthy or they wouldn’t be blabbing) sources.
The Queen herself gives no interviews, keeps her private papers locked up and it’s anyone’s guess what her real persona consists of. And don’t imagine because you’ve been to some do at Buckingham Palace, you are any better acquainted with her than somebody who’s lapped up the star-struck trivia of these latest "biographies". All we really know is that she’s definitely a good thing.
So it can only be conjecture to guess at what she thinks of the nation’s response to her diamond jubilee. Still, it’s a diverting little game and she certainly won’t be short of variety if she cares to have a look at what we’ve got in store for her.
At one end of the scale, there are the republicans, who like nothing better than a royal occasion. They’ll have a simply fabulous time moaning about the cost and staging protests at the whole outmoded concept of monarchy.
At the other extreme, there is the blatant toadyism of the forelock-tuggers and sucker-uppers. You could practically see Michael Gove prostrating himself in front of the throne as he tried to curry favour (ie, reel in a knighthood) with his idea of a new yacht as a suitable pressie.
Oh, do stow it, Govey. Her majesty is nearly 86. She’ll be either dead or a centenarian by the time you’ve built your boat. Just give her a jigsaw. She likes those, apparently.
I’m not sure where the Island fits on the royal scale of delighting the Queen. IW Council chairman David Williams has the look of a man who would burst with excitement if he got within fawning distance of the monarch. He may even have practised saying "prithee" and "If it please your gracious majesty" in front of the mirror, should this thrilling eventuality come to pass.
In any case, he is getting into the mood for this year’s celebrations with his chairmanship of the council’s jubilee committee and a briefing note has just been issued, giving a flavour of what lies ahead.
The Island’s main event will take place in Appley Park on June 2 to 4 and will be, brace yourselves, "a mix of Cool Britannia and Vintage Nostalgia".
Is your heart sinking? No? Well, it jolly well should be. Could there be any more deader ringers for a brace of pantomime sisters than Cool Britannia and Vintage Nostalgia? You can see it all.
Two hackneyed old dears, Britannia and Nostalgia, daughters of Lord Yawn, tottering forth on to the cliche circuit. The Spice Girls swathed in red, white and blue crinolines and clutching tridents.
And don’t they realise Cool Britannia actually is Vintage Nostalgia? The last time she was wheeled out was back in the 1990s, in the dear old days of the Blair government.
But we must be brave and give Britannia and Nostalgia every support, because this is jubilee year and maybe the Appley Park plans are exactly the Queen’s sort of thing.
There’s no way of telling. Let’s just go for it and, if we can use Ryde Canoe Lake’s plastic pedalo swans as a sort of royal barge tribute, so much the better.
Here for the beer and a chat with the locals
JUBILEE merriment not-withstanding, the royals are sometimes the sad victims of their own incomprehension of how things work. According to Peter Hain’s newly published autobiography, the MP was once buttonholed by Prince Charles on the subject of fox hunting.
"The best thing is when I join everyone afterwards in the local pub," the prince confided. "It’s my only real chance to meet ordinary people properly."
Dear me. Why hasn’t some palace lackey explained to poor Charles you don’t have to chase a fox across the countryside in order to go to the pub and meet ordinary people?
Could somebody please put him out of his misery and invite him on to their quiz team?
Two hackneyed old dears, Britannia and Nostalgia, daughters of Lord Yawn, tottering forth on to the cliche circuit. The Spice Girls swathed in red, white and blue crinolines and clutching tridents.
And don’t they realise Cool Britannia actually is Vintage Nostalgia? The last time she was wheeled out was back in the 1990s, in the dear old days of the Blair government.
But we must be brave and give Britannia and Nostalgia every support, because this is jubilee year and maybe the Appley Park plans are exactly the Queen’s sort of thing.
There’s no way of telling. Let’s just go for it and, if we can use Ryde Canoe Lake’s plastic pedalo swans as a sort of royal barge tribute, so much the better.