JAKE HARRISON WRITES: FLY tipping is an unpleasant and highly selfish activity which sadly is on the rise. Litter louts are making a mess of the Island, with up to 300 plus incidence occurring each year. So what can possibly be done? How about heavier fines, or public naming and shaming perhaps? Or what about making the offender eat the contents of the rubbish bag in front of a gathering crowd whilst beating him/her mercilessly with a rotten cucumber?

It’s time to dump the dumpers!

The Isle of Wight is a walker’s haven, blessed with miles and miles of flexuous footpaths, contrasting landscapes and besotted beaches.

So why is it being ruined?

The reason I ask this is because recently I have read about (and even seen for myself) the illegal dumping of waste. Yes, sad-looking sofas, bags of Barney (rubble), and that ugly old kettle that your dear old gran bought you and your partner for Christmas, the endless list seems to goes on.

Sometimes that rubbish includes dangerous substances such as asbestos or other weird smelling chemicals that would make your Dog as high as kite if it decided to poke its nose in the drum.

Now, I’m going to ask you the obvious question: do you believe Island fly tipping is getting worse?

Well I certainly think so.

Fly-tipping spoils the Island’s countryside, makes a mess of the streets and ultimately leaves those who pay taxes (e.g. almost everybody) with the cost of clearing it all up. It adds to pollution, attracts Roger the rat and other types of vexatious vermin.

So why is it happening?

Most of the people who fly-tip usually cannot be bothered to visit the local tip, either because they’re lazy, impatient or are just an all-round moron. It’s sad and shocking.

However, visiting the tip isn’t quite as straight forward as it used to be, simply because in the old days you could just hand over your rubbish without any problem. Now, however you’re interviewed by a chap in a hi-visibility jacket with a clipboard and a master’s degree in waste disposal.

Now, pardon me while I get all fogeyish on you, but I’m suggesting the problem starts with the youth of today. I mean think about it for a second, when was the last time you saw an old-pensioner carelessly toss a Big Mac on to the pavement?

So what can be done?

Hmm, well stopping the fly-tippers can be a bit tricky.

Report it to the council? Nope, don’t bother, they’ll only put you on hold for about three hours while you listen to that telephone music that makes you want to blow your brains out with a shotgun, and then when the blundering chap who originally answered your call does return he’ll inform you that the person who you actually wanted to speak to is far too busy replying to e-mails about charity events and stuffing his face with a baguette. Although, the council, has linked up with the national campaign, Keep Britain Tidy.

So far, however, seems to be making little impact, with statistics showing fly-tipping is on the rise for the third straight year.

Ok, what about the local plod?

No, I’m afraid not. They’re much too busy filling out important ‘paperwork’ and hiding in bushes waiting to catch a school-run Mum smoking in her car.

And there’s no point either in giving it to your favourite local ‘man in the van’ to take it away, because he probably won’t have a valid waste carriers license and probably dump it all in a hedge just outside of Sandown anyway.

Still, at-least then you can both look forward to rubbing shoulders together in court.

I do hope you all agree with me that more needs to be done to prevent the illegal dumping of waste; because people who fly tip usually have just enough brain cells to count on one hand and the morals of a pan-estate ally cat.

However, if you don’t, and are thinking ‘what a rubbish column, Jake’, just please make sure you screw my piece up nicely and put it in the bin rather than carelessly throwing it on to the floor.