JONATHAN YOUNG WRITES: The number of repeats on Christmas TV just gets worse, doesn’t it?

I blame the EU. Everything will be much better once we take back control of the BBC and the communications satellites. Brexit or bust, I say. Or probably both.

Anyway, in the meantime the good news is that a new channel, Wightspoof TV, is soon to be launched. You’ll find it where Ceefax used to be (yellow button in most postcodes) and these are some of the programmes Islanders will be able to enjoy.

The Great Bembridge Bake-Off. Adoring fans besiege the Tent as Keith ‘you gotta pick a quarrel or two’ Fagan prepares his signature Big Cheesecake creation. For the base he smashes to bits a half-hundredweight of donated biscuits with his trusty heavy-duty gavel. Police are called.

Film: The CalBourne Ultimatum. Island Roads dig up Winkle Street in the middle of the pensioner bargain-break season. Hell hath no fury like a granny scorned. The district steward’s arrival is met with a barrage of kitsch garden gnomes and clumps of watercress.

University Challenge. The struggling IW Council team, with an average age of 68, keeps losing five points for incorrect interruptions by Chris, from Totland (studying Netflix). Captain Dave steadfastly refuses to sack him.

Put That Light Out. Warden Hodges and Jonathan “Dark Skies” Bacon team up in an attempt to turn the Island into a living wartime museum. But things keep going bump in the night.

St Mary Pop-ins. Crisis in the walk-in centre as two-thirds of staff have their work permits withdrawn.

Film: Scum. The gritty borstal riot storyline is seamlessly transposed to the previously sedate setting of Sandown Town Council HQ. Police are called.

It’s a Knockout. The game show comes to Niton Undercliff, where contestants clamber over huge polystyrene blocks, trying, mostly in vain, not to lose their footing and end up waist-deep in blue slipper.

Film: The Prime of Mr G. Brodie. Mottistone heartthrob Benedict Cumberbatch plays youthful Wearsider Geoff attempting to paint the Island red. Thirty years on, it remains a work in progress.

Love Island. Documenting the heroic efforts of Karl, from East Cowes, to save a popular but poorly tree.

Our Friend in the North. Julia is in Manchester but the folk who voted for her are cast away on an island 250 miles away, their public services crumbling around them. What can she do to help? You may well ask.

I’m a Parish Clerk, Get Out of Here. In the jungle of local politics, the big beasts bare their teeth when the lower orders try to poke their noses in. Police are called.

Film: The Man with the Golden Gunville. Secret agent Bob explains in a two-hour lecture why the Russians are almost certain to invade Argos.

The Magic Roundabout. The CCTV camera outside the Apse Heath convenience store records what happens when priority is afforded to all drivers who are (a) going straight on; (b) on the main road; (c) were there first; or (d) have DL registration plates.

The Newport West Wing. More tales from the White House. Episode one contains explicit references to gender-neutral sanitary products (your guess is as good as mine).

And finally... Gurt Expectations. In this political reality show the expectations have to be managed — downwards. The Age of Austerity definitely isn’t over. There’s been a misunderstanding, a typographical error. This is 21st century IW. Happy Christmas.